Aditya was a young 5 year old boy who like any kid at his age, was fun loving, playful and curious. He had recently learnt to write in the kindergarten and loved to practice alphabets everywhere and anywhere. Aditya also loved to spend time with his dad Suresh. On one of the Sunday, Suresh was washing and polishing his newly bought black SUV. Aditya was also hanging around and helping his dad in his own way. Both were having a good time. Suddenly Suresh noticed lot of prominent scratches on the front side (driver’s) door. Worried Suresh immediately bent down to take a closer look. He could make out that it was his name crudely scratched by some sharp object. Couple of meters away he saw Aditya with screwdriver in his hand, smiling. Immediately his blood pressure shot up and his eyes went red. Ramesh was on fire. He was angry like hell!
Anger is one of basic human emotions. It is that rush of blood and clinching of fists. A time when at a slightest trigger, you are ready to blast with strength of nuclear warhead. While as an emotion, it is completely normal to be angry as a human, it is the guilt everyone feels after the blast that makes us feel miserable.
Want to control your anger? Pouring water may be better idea
Generally, we relate controlling anger with holding oneself back and try presenting a neutral straight face as if nothing has happened. While externally we try and look calm, internally lava is boiling which might or might not settle in some time. When we suppress anger like this, we actually absorb the entire negative energies associated with this emotion and in a way this is more harmful than we think.
There is however another way – pour cold water over it. Yes, this is first thing to do. Now this is actually quite different than holding back the fire. When you hold back you are just not avoiding to spew the fire out but actually burning inside. When you pour water over it, you not only douse the flames immediately but also prevent internal injuries and burns.
Pouring water from emotional sources to douse fire from emotional sources
The question off course is how to pour water? To douse fire from anger you need reservoirs of emotional coolants. One of the strongest and most effective coolant is Empathy. Empathy is one of strongest emotional neutralizer. In simple terms empathy means stepping into other person’s situation and trying to reason as to why the other person behaved the way he did without coloring it with our own mindset.
Coming back to Ramesh. His first idea was to beat the hell out of Jack. As he raised his hands, Aditya innocently and joyfully said, “Look papa I wrote your name on your car. Now you will never lose it”. Suddenly his heart reasoned and empathy took over. Ramesh immediately hugged Jack also explaining him why this was not necessary and why it is not right to scratch cars.
The power of empathy is far greater than the power of anger. It is like reservoir of water that you can always keep by your side to douse the fire of anger.